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How do most people start their day? Most probably…
1) They crawl out of bed
2) Get into their morning ritual
3) Figure out what they’ll be wearing
4) Get dressed
5) Hit the road

For some women somewhere between steps 4 and 5 there is a huge miscommunication. They fail to realize that around their pant waistline there is “hangage.” Now, “hangage,” my beloved friends is perfectly fine to have so long as it is concealed.

YOU DO NOT DISPLAY YOUR WAISTLINE “HANGAGE” ON THE WORLD’S STAGE! It is inappropriate, socially irresponsible and I am convinced is contributing to terminal blindness for most adolescents.

Ladies, Ladies, LADIES! This “hangage” I speak of is most commonly known as the infamous Muffin Top (for obvious reasons). Please do me and the MILLIONS and MILLIONS of the people on this sacred planet of ours a favor… dress appropriately to stave off the frightful experience that is witnessing this terrible fad.

I know it’s difficult to be confident in oneself in this very difficult society to appease. Everyone is out judging and pre-judging every step we take. Understood. Now… when you Muffin Top that is where all reason has gone out the window and a false confidence somehow takes over your brain. Fight it! You can do it! Don’t let it take over that rational thinking you once had. If you’ve never been rational, then all we can ask is that you slap yourself (preferably multiple times with force)!

Now that we have discussed the problem we as good natured, ethical people need to stand firm in fighting against the spread of this epidemic. Below are a few tips on doing this:

1) If you see someone with a Muffin Top feel free to belittle them in public. Although a harsh tactic, it should help the fight against irrational behavior and eventually lead to an “A Ha” moment when the perpetrator looks in the mirror.
2) Snap photos of the Muffin Toppers and send them to me at suave@titovaselina.com. With these pics I will start a cause to help end the epidemic.
3) Pray… the almighty needs to understand that we need assistance. If you don’t pray simply do more of step #1 and 2 immediately above.

In these tough economic times we need more positive influences in our lives to survive. HELP STOP THE MUFFIN TOP BRIGADES forming in every city. Together… YES WE CAN!