Archive for March, 2009
Mickey D’s: No Bueno
Posted by Tito in interesting on March 30th, 2009
Lovin it now?
Maybe you’ll think twice about running to McDonald’s next time you need a quick meal, eh?
Indian Usher wants to make love in this club
I wish I could meet this guy. I want him serenading me at least once a week!
Andressa Soares Loves the kids?
Check out this video and you tell me what’s more amazing. The fact that this girl is working it like a porn star or that the audience is innapropriate for this session.
Meet my dear friend Andressa Soares. “Dear friend” only because she has been on my computer so many times that I feel like we know eachother. The girl has that Brazilian sexiness the world has come to recognize, but some screws seem to be loose.
WHAT THE F are you doing dropping it like it’s hot like that in front of a crowd of sub 10 year olds? Worse than that is the fact that these kids are mimicking her moves. I swear I saw some of them pelvic thrusting. WHY!!! They shouldn’t be doing that!!
I’m as big of a pervert as the next guy, but there are limits. Being a pervert is a wonderful pastime. I fully endorse it. However, when you have children involved it’s sick! Granted… I may have been a dirty little bastard at these kids’ ages, but I wasn’t subjected to that stuff. I merely went on my own adventures. Someone decided it was a good idea to bring the kids to the gym this day to be witnesses to this.
I’m sure someone would be in a PEN somewhere praying the soap didn’t come out of their hands if this happened here in the states. In Brazil, probably not so much.
Holy Homosexuality Batman!
Posted by Tito in interesting on March 20th, 2009
Wow, right? Isn’t that quite unexpected?
Move over Ambiguously Gay Duo Batman and Robin are back (and out of the closet)!
I know that people often say “In order to succeed in these tough times you have to reinvent yourself.” But DAMN! It’s like that? Granted Bat Man and Robin could’ve been gay from day one, but it just wasn’t socially acceptable.
I guess movies like MILK and Brokeback Mountain helped lubricate the door hinges so they could more easily come out of the closet. Good for you Bat Man and Robin!
Transformers: The Hard-On Effect
Posted by Tito in interesting on March 6th, 2009
Let’s get right down to the “nitty ritty” as Jack Black would say (in Nacho Libre).
Below we have a Foxy lady. Her name is Megan Fox. According to the web she was brought to this earth back in 1986. She happens to be an actress (as you most notably saw in the movie Transformers) and more importantly (for this post) she’s a MAMI! Mami = Super HOT!
image from GQ magazine October 2008
So why do I write about her? What’s so fascinating?
Both questions very valid. Both questions also either from a woman hating gay man or a filled with envy female. It’s apparent in both cases why she graces my site. She’s the reason why I shot straight up in my chair while watching Transformers back in 2007. She’s also the reason why my wife and I will someday have to negotiate a way for me to lay down next to Ms. Fox without owing my wife HALF!
I’m convinced Megan’s GQ pics from 2008 are up on more college dorm room walls than Sherwin-Williams. Which creates a perfect segue into a question I was posed by my good friend KlansMan “Is it wrong to masturbate while watching Transformers?” Great question. Short answer… no. Socially accepted answer…. yes.
Sooo… onto the educational portion of this post… The Hard On Effect!
Hard-ons come a dime a dozen. We men catch one in the randomest settings and most obscure circumstances. Does it mean anything more than “I’m arroused?” I’m here to tell the women reading this that it does NOT. Similar to a light breeze caressing your nipples, a hard-on is involuntary (although we can provoke it). There are no deep feelings associated with it. No cheating desires, lust, etc. Merely just our love muscle’s way of a standing ovation on a job well done.
The Muffin Top Epidemic
Posted by Tito in fashion, interesting on March 2nd, 2009
Image from fitoverfourty.wordpress.com/
How do most people start their day? Most probably…
1) They crawl out of bed
2) Get into their morning ritual
3) Figure out what they’ll be wearing
4) Get dressed
5) Hit the road
For some women somewhere between steps 4 and 5 there is a huge miscommunication. They fail to realize that around their pant waistline there is “hangage.” Now, “hangage,” my beloved friends is perfectly fine to have so long as it is concealed.
YOU DO NOT DISPLAY YOUR WAISTLINE “HANGAGE” ON THE WORLD’S STAGE! It is inappropriate, socially irresponsible and I am convinced is contributing to terminal blindness for most adolescents.
Ladies, Ladies, LADIES! This “hangage” I speak of is most commonly known as the infamous Muffin Top (for obvious reasons). Please do me and the MILLIONS and MILLIONS of the people on this sacred planet of ours a favor… dress appropriately to stave off the frightful experience that is witnessing this terrible fad.
I know it’s difficult to be confident in oneself in this very difficult society to appease. Everyone is out judging and pre-judging every step we take. Understood. Now… when you Muffin Top that is where all reason has gone out the window and a false confidence somehow takes over your brain. Fight it! You can do it! Don’t let it take over that rational thinking you once had. If you’ve never been rational, then all we can ask is that you slap yourself (preferably multiple times with force)!
Now that we have discussed the problem we as good natured, ethical people need to stand firm in fighting against the spread of this epidemic. Below are a few tips on doing this:
1) If you see someone with a Muffin Top feel free to belittle them in public. Although a harsh tactic, it should help the fight against irrational behavior and eventually lead to an “A Ha” moment when the perpetrator looks in the mirror.
2) Snap photos of the Muffin Toppers and send them to me at suave@titovaselina.com. With these pics I will start a cause to help end the epidemic.
3) Pray… the almighty needs to understand that we need assistance. If you don’t pray simply do more of step #1 and 2 immediately above.
In these tough economic times we need more positive influences in our lives to survive. HELP STOP THE MUFFIN TOP BRIGADES forming in every city. Together… YES WE CAN!